And no, I don't mean Lesbian, I mean the other 'L' word. The Love word. The great tactical nuke of words. The word that if packaged into a box would have both a 'FRAGILE' sign and a 'DANGER' sticker plastered on.
People use the 'L' word for lots of things. Drunk people use it quite regularly. Heck even I've done the "I love you man!" in big group hugs. As bizarre as it may seem, as a general rule I will be free to use the L word around guys, but not around girls. You can say almost anything from one guy to another guy when you are drunk because you know you're just being silly. But when you cross genders, you have to be careful, because you don't know when someone will take it wrong.
For some people, the 'L' word can be bandied about with not a care. Unfortunately there is a large group of people like myself who take that word seriously. It took me 5 months of dating to use the 'L' word seriously with my high-school ex , and I believe it took another month for her to do the same. It has so much weight behind it that its dangerous to use it lightly.
So do you want to know what happens when you use it wrong? You cause someone to blog at 2am in the morning about using it wrong!
I went out with some friends and whilst I was leaving, a drunken friend hugged me and then dropped the L word. This is fine. Unfortunately right afterwards she reaffirmed it and then explained why she did. And of course being stunned, I immediately just mumbled a thank you and sort of shuffled off. And subsequently I have been pondering whether this was normal drunken crap, or is this someone expressing their true feelings after alcohol removed the inhibitor circuit. So now these thoughts are just spinning around and around. Maybe I should clarify it another day in a sort of side conversation, but will that be too embarrassing to bring up? Do I ignore it? Do I ask her friends what she really thinks?
See the ample amount of damage done by simply not following etiquette? It is really simple:
1. Feel free to use the L word for anyone or anything, but unless you really mean it:
2. If its cross gender, never reaffirm that you do.
3. Never explain why you do.
4. If you HAVE screwed up, playfully and visually tell others around them, the same thing so the person in question realizes its just the alcohol talking.
Would certainly help me sleep better!
3 comments:
Yeah that's a massive minefield complete with bear pits, laser turrets, quicksand and Cake.
Is the cake a lie? No, really - there's metaphorical cake at the end if there's real intent and reciprocation, maybe Dwarf Bread if it's unbalanced towards the reciprocative side (but not on the same level, i.e. heading towards unrequited attraction when L-word-sayer has a greater emotional commitment than L-word-receiver - it could work, but it could be rocky), and obviously no cake at all if there's no reciprocation.
And clearly, working out if there's cake or not is fraught with danger. And having a tool that lets you fall through the floor and runawayrunawayrunaway would be really really handy :/
Maybe it's best to assume that if alcohol is involved, the cake is a lie.
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